Everybody thinks I’ve got a rinky-dink, low-paying, go-nowhere crappy-ass job. You see, I’m a security guard at the mall. Can’t tell you which mall I work at. (You’ll see why after I tell you some of the crazy shit that goes on)
When I cash my paycheck, I usually just blow the whole thing on scratch-offs and beer so I’ll have something to keep me busy at work. My Real Money comes from scams. Like when store managers or assistants pay me to go blind for a few minutes now and then. They run some merchandise out the service area and cut me in for 2-3 hundred bucks each time. Every week I clear a grand this way. Easy, and tax free, of course
Another way I make cash is busting “lifters”. You know, people who love to shop and hate to pay. I’ve got nothing against these folks. Hell, nobody’s got me beat in the rip-off department. But I sure do like it when they try to buy me off. I charge the guys a hundred bucks or so to walk. More if they’ve got it. The down-and-outers I usually just ‘write-up and warn-off’, unless they’re on the ‘red-list’. That means they’ve been caught and got warned a few times and I gotta call the cops. I usually only do that to assholes, unless I’m behind in my quota.
I also catch plenty of babes, and it takes more than money if they wanna stay out of the back of a cop car. The truth is, I’m not exactly a big hit with the ladies. Whatever it takes, I just ain’t got it. Any time I try to come on to a babe, she acts like I’ve got fucking leprosy or something. I’m 31 years old and I’ve never had a real girlfriend. But that’s okay because any time I wanna get laid I just gotta kick back in the security office, check the cameras at all the stores, and wait for little miss light-fingers to come along.
It’s so damn easy it’s funny. From my console I can control about 500 cameras all over the mall. They all appear on the monitors and I can pan and zoom and just about see anything that goes on anywhere in the mall.
It’s no problem picking out the lifters. I’ve been doing this a few years and I can pick them out like they’re wearing neon signs. No shit, if you’re walking around a mall store with stealing on your mind, I know what you’re gonna do before you know you’re gonna do it.
You’d be amazed at how many chicks like to steal. Every time I work a shift, there’s at least a dozen or so decent looking bitches I can snag for shop-lifting. I’m pretty good at picking the ones who will try to make a deal instead of getting arrested. I never make the first move with these whores. The only way they’ll score a get out of jail free card is if they make the first move. I always make them say how much they want to suck my dick and fuck my brains out while I get it on video. That’s so they can’t try to pull a rape scam on me later on. Once I get them on tape, I know I can do anything I want because they don’t want to end up on YouTube. I’ve got it all figured out.
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